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  • Writer's pictureUncle Stevie

Let's Talk About That Bum Sean Kuraly

The NHLs most useless player. Kuraly currently plays for the Bruins, somehow gets in the line up every single game like he has naked pics of Bruce Cassidy. I have been watching the Bruins pretty consistently all season and every single playoff game, and the thing that sticks out more than anything is how bad a hockey player Sean Kuraly is. He fails the eye ball test on nightly basis. He has no hockey skills, he isn't a goon, what exactly is his purpose or role on the team? This guy wouldn't crack into the top 4 lines for a European team, yet he plays every game for the Bruins. He provides nothing for them, sure hockey hardos will say but he plays on the PK, who freaking cares, everyone knows the real killers are Bergy and Marchand. I trust my eye balls more than any analyst, general manager, or the stat nerds of the world. But I wanted to see are my eyeballs deceiving me, are the stats showing something that I am not seeing. For the life of me I cannot figure out why he is on the ice every game.

In search of answers in why I have to watch this guy do nothing and make money somehow, I dove into the stats. And BOY did the stats only prove my point further. Regular Season 47 games he had 9! -10 for the season. WOOOOOOOFFFFFFFFF. Surely his postseason stats will be better, maybe he will raise his game, play a little harder, show an ounce of effort. Postseason stats, 7 games, ZERO goals, ZERO assists, ZERO points, a -1. If that stat line doesn't describe Kuraly then I don't know what will. Dude literally hurts the team while he is on the ice while providing absolutely nothing in return. Kuraly is a top 5 reason why the Bruins won't win a cup this year, joining Tuukka Rask (we all know why), Connor Clifton the defensive Sean Kuraly, and of course the lumberjack Nick Ritchie, and the Head Coach Bruce Cassidy putting all these guys in the lineup every single game.

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