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  • Writer's pictureUncle Stevie

Nothing Butt Reviews: CrumblE (STEVIE VERSION) The Response Blog

Everyone's favorite blogger is back and better then ever. I read Timmy's blog about CrumblE cookies, yes I'm including the E because it's just a dumbo name. Timmys blog was good, let me tell you besides honoring murderers, horrible people (Urban Meyer), throwing parties on 9/11, and hating kids (the comment that shall not be spoken of) and dogs (tide pods) alike, at the end of the day Timmy is a good kid. However one of Timmy major flaws, not sure we can top what is typed above, is that he is a constant, classic overhyper. From Celtics, to Patriots, to the Sox, to Ohio, the list is longer than a State of the Union address (Slow Joe), and his blog yesterday about CrumblE cookie is a classic Timmy Amara overhype.

Listen here, it's nearly impossible to have a "bad" cookie, and CrumblE isn't a bad cookie, not by any means, but it is not a 10/10 cookie either. 10/10 means it is the best cookie in the world, no cookie stands above that cookie. Timmy is just flat out wrong, just because the Timmy guy is going through some stuff doesn't mean I won't call him out on his BS, and he did BS here. So where do we start?

1. Let's start with the fact he should be committed for waiting 45 minutes for cookies, when he could have easily just gone to Stop & Shop and picked up 24 for $5.99, a fine cookie, a 5/10 cookie, maybe 2 minutes of his time. Saving him 43 for Candles and Brandi Love, on a relaxing Monday Night Footballless night. However I do not fault Timmy going out for cookies 20 times in 3 weeks, do what you want, live life to the fullest (looking at you Roachey). I go to Town Spa, a 12/10 ZA, at least once every two weeks.

2. I hate CrumblE's business model, having Choco Chip is a must for an respectful cookie shop, but having Pink Sugar as your 2nd constant is a slap in the face to cookies everywhere. That is a complete and utter joke. Having rotational varieties is fine, gets people visiting their sites, coming back to the store, etc, etc. But it is not a sustainable business model. Eventually when Timbo eats his way through all the new cookies, he will be looking for new varieties, or the only one's he likes, and there won't be anymore and he'll eventually find a new cookie shop that he'll over rate to the course of a 10/10. Not to mention that 75% of the varieties STINK. So CrumblE has a finality to their business model.

3. Here is by far the biggest flaw of CrumblE cookie, they bake all of their cookies Medium Rare, like a steak, Stevie? Yes like a steak. Now if we are talking a nice Ribeye from Boston Chops, I'm in all day errday. But for cookies to be medium rare is a major flaw. The middle of every single cookie is raw, just dough, often cold, raw and slimy. Horrid. The more crap they put in the these the more raw the middle is for their flavors of the week. Leads to a really disappointing experience in one's mouth. I love cookie dough, I love cookies, I do not love a cookie that is just pure dough in the middle when it is supposed to be cooked. This is where CrumblE loses a ton of points in my book. Now this is something that can be fixed just by simply keeping them in ovens longer, and training their staff how to properly bake a cookie. Not rocket science. Their name alone is incredibly misleading, CrumblE cookie, its just dough, it doesn't even crumble. Bad marketing. Should be called Doughie's, with a slogan of "Where our cookies are doughy for all you doughied bodied people out there".

So there you have it, an honest, non bias review of CrumblE, (Doughie's) cookies. It's a 7/10 on the bomb scale, nothing revolutionary or new here, just a C cookie. Want to know what the current best cookie in the world, Boston, New England is?? None other than Chipyard in Boston's Faneuil Hall. A simply breath taking cookie, no 45 minute waits, just a great cookie, baked great, and also great when baked (edible joke).

💣💣💣💣💣💣💣 7/10 CrumblE Cookie

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