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  • Writer's pictureUncle Stevie

What Really Grinds My Gears: Brunch

One of the dumbest things we do as a society is brunch. White bitches love it more than they love anything else in life, and that includes apple picking in fannels. For years I've said brunch is a meaningless made up activity, is it breakfast is it lunch? It's neither, it is a joke to society. I personally don't like to go out to eat for breakfast, I generally eat light for breakfast, a bfast sandy or a shake and I'm ready to roll. One time I had a girlfriend as shocking as that may seem, and of course her thing was brunch, (not shocking, she was a basic b that lived in Southie). Like every Sunday, we had to go to brunch. I was not allowed to eat breakfast before and had to wait until 10:30/11 to eat. What a complete disaster and spoiler alert it didn't work out. Some one play Free Bird.

What do I want to do on Sunday? Literally anything else, and this was during the fall, so it's clearly football time not brunch. So I'd be sitting at the table already angry that I've been up since 6 and have to wait til 11 to eat and we'd always meet her friends at a brunch spot in Southie. Be more basic, you cannot. Think I cared about what these brunch bitches had to say? Not a chance, I just need to crush drinks, eat literally anything, didn't care if it was lunch, breakfast, dinner doesn't matter. And then the cackling starts, for some reason when people go to brunch it is a sign for non stop cackling, about what? Literally nothing. While I'm sitting there all I can think about is the 1pm Pats kickoff, who is inactive/active, what's our game plan like, is it windy? I know Bill will pick the wind 100 times out of 100, but instead I have this hyena like cackling going on at my table for the sole reason because brunch is happening in the most basic scene of a horrible romcom. But it isn't a romcom to me, it is a horror film, it is "Get Out" , I'm the dude stuck in the chair not being able to move while some basic bitch stirs her tea. It's my personal hell.

Look the basic bitches are going to HATE this blog when they never read it, but this isn't about them it is about us. It is time for us to stand up and crush brunch. Basic Bs just up and tried to invent another meal and I won't stand for it. Would I like to invent an entire day? Absolutely, I would like a Sonday, a combination of Sunday and Monday before Monday actually starts. But guess what I live in the real world, not the "Real World", I refuse to show brunch any respect and I will not rest until I bury brunch once and for all. I will be hailed as a King that looked basic Bs right in the eye and took away the dumbest activity they've ever created. What really grinds my gears? Brunch, and I am out to destroy you. I am inevitable.

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